Restoring relationships, one gray area at a time.

Meet Kate Gray, LMFT

A woman with long brown hair sitting on a black leather sofa, wearing a pink sweater and a shiny pink skirt, with a light beige boot on her left leg, smiling at the camera, with windows in the background.

“Codependency Kate” — Codependency Therapist, Relationship Specialist & Creator of the BEND Method™

Learn more

Current Courses

Quick View

Marriage 101: Top Down (course only)

$195.00

So you don't want to leave, but you don't want to stay. This is the HARDEST place to be in your relationship. If you’ve tried everything, and all of the empathy, understanding, and even couples therapy isn't working, you might need a different approach: my "top-down approach." This is the first of my Marriage 101 series on restoring relationships.

This course includes 8 videos highlighting different concepts to help restore your SELF in your relationship, but more importantly how to treat your partner whom you love, but who has dysfunctional traits.

8 video classes with full captioning
- Introduction
- What you need to know first
- What a top-down approach is NOT
- What is a top-down approach?
- Detach with my “to you” theory
- Step by step how to respond to shitty behavior
- What growth mentality looks like
- Mantras to repeat and final thoughts
A master list of Kate’s related social media content by subject and platform
Video summaries
Quizzes
Examples
Reflection questions

Class with Kate: The Show

Submit your story for a case study!

Let us know your specific needs or questions about therapy, couples therapy, and estrangement/marriage/parenting/individual trauma

Submit Your Story

"Of all the money I spent in therapy to never be taught anything actually useful. Thank you so much for teaching us what to do and giving us real world tools we can understand and use."
"This is Kate, also known as the GOAT of therapy"
"As an estranged daughter AND a parent, this was extraordinarily helpful. It explains exactly how my estrangement was inevitable based on my parents parenting and understanding my role now as a parent evolves."
"This is a gift. Thank you for breaking this down"
"Great explanation, you are so helpful and passionate"
"BEND has changed my life the last 6 months. I wasn't sure if it was hormone replacement therapy or you .... and I'm gonna say it's you. This has helped me more than anything after a lifetime of therapy"
"You are a stellar educator! Thank you so much!"
"As a fellow therapist, I just came here to write to you that I so deeply enjoy your videos, and clear love for this work. It really gives me life"
"My show is on!"
"You are out here doing the lords work with this whiteboard and your message🙌."
"You are brilliant! Just explained to me why my marriage and attempt to connect with my ex husband never worked and how I became the villain in the eyes of his mother and sister"
"I've appreciated your content for so long now. I love how vulnerable and adaptable youve been and how honest about how this process has been for you. I think you're only improving and you've helped me so much"
"You're awesome. And you've broke through information that has never been expressed."
"Your BEND method had improved my parenting & validation skills time after time. I've been doing it for 20 years and it's levelled me up so much!"
"Thank you for sharing actual tools . We know what the problem is, don't want to dwell in the past. You're actually giving us mom's tools"
""If you acknowledge the fire downstairs the smoke will clear up here" that resonated in my SOUL I'm so happy you came across my fyp"
"Thank you so much Kate! Your account has given me so many tools to be a better parent for my kids. I have been going through a grieving process since becoming a mother over the way I was parented."
"This is what new moms should be learning, wish I had this 18 years ago"
"THIS is the video I've been looking for! I'm going to write this down and put it on my fridge! I love how put this so matter-of-fact and literal. It's such a big help!"
"I have not been afraid to criticize your content so I will not hold back on your brilliance. This is very good and very logical. Very useful !!"
"I just want to say thank you for these videos-some from September helped me conceptualize things my therapist was helping me thorugh and it all clicked. I talked about your videos with her this morning and she was cheering me on! I am on my way to tackling this in my life and I thank you!"
"You're the only parenting teacher I watch!"
"The 'to you' mantra in my head helped significantly this week. Also, recognizing the different parts of BEND. Sussing out why my partner was acting a certain way and what emotion he was feeling and why"
""...my partner and I were joking a bit that we should tell each other to "go get bent" (BEND method) when we notice things escalating"
"Win: Taught my husband AND my kids the BEND method. Even wrote it on the big ole white board. ;)"
"“This is literally the best sh*t I’ve ever seen on social media. Like for real for real. You’re giving concrete steps on what to do when you feel like you’re in a crisis.”
"Love this content! Parenting 101 is so needed"

In The News……

Exciting breakthroughs, noteworthy research, and important social sciences advancements.

Review of the Youth Justice System in England and Wales

Published: December 2016

By Charlie Taylor

Two hands behind a jail cell forming a heart shape

Parenting strategies are shifting as neuroscience brings the developing brain into clearer focus

Published: August 21, 2025 8:35am EDT

Nancy L. Weaver

Professor of Behavioral Science, Saint Louis University

Digital illustration of a human brain made up of glowing interconnected points and lines, with a colorful, blurred abstract background.

The Effect of Spanking on the Brain

Posted: April 13, 2021 by Jill Anderson

Harvard Graduate School of Education

A young boy with brown hair and blue eyes looks out from behind a wooden railing, with a sad or worried expression on his face.

Stack of pink, white, and blue books with visible titles on covers and spines.

Check the blog

To The Book List

Pink ceramic cup filled with black coffee placed on top of three stacked pastel-colored books.

To The Blog

Featured

December 15, 2025

BEND, blog, parenting, trauma, behavior, needs, emotions, desires, emotional forecasting

How to Self Regulate

December 15, 2025

BEND, blog, parenting, trauma, behavior, needs, emotions, desires, emotional forecasting

Check out some helpful resources

Stack of pink and pastel-colored books on a black background.

Books, podcasts, coaches, content creators, authors and organizations

A pink ceramic cup filled with black coffee placed on top of a stack of pastel pink and green books.

Learn more

Refer a therapist!

Have a therapist you think would be great for others? Let us know! We’ll add them to our therapist referral database (under construction).

A modern, minimalist office table with a lamp in the center, a laptop on the left, two glasses of water, and a person writing in a notebook on the right.

Restoring relationships, one gray area at a time.

Meet Kate Gray, LMFT

“Codependency Kate” — Codependency Therapist, Relationship Specialist & Creator of the BEND Method™

Current Courses

Class with Kate: The Show

Submit your story for a case study!

Let us know your specific needs or questions about therapy, couples therapy, and estrangement/marriage/parenting/individual trauma

Submit Your Story

"Of all the money I spent in therapy to never be taught anything actually useful. Thank you so much for teaching us what to do and giving us real world tools we can understand and use."

"This is Kate, also known as the GOAT of therapy"

"As an estranged daughter AND a parent, this was extraordinarily helpful. It explains exactly how my estrangement was inevitable based on my parents parenting and understanding my role now as a parent evolves."

"This is a gift. Thank you for breaking this down"

"Great explanation, you are so helpful and passionate"

"BEND has changed my life the last 6 months. I wasn't sure if it was hormone replacement therapy or you .... and I'm gonna say it's you. This has helped me more than anything after a lifetime of therapy"

"You are a stellar educator! Thank you so much!"

"As a fellow therapist, I just came here to write to you that I so deeply enjoy your videos, and clear love for this work. It really gives me life"

"My show is on!"

"You are out here doing the lords work with this whiteboard and your message🙌."

"You are brilliant! Just explained to me why my marriage and attempt to connect with my ex husband never worked and how I became the villain in the eyes of his mother and sister"

"I've appreciated your content for so long now. I love how vulnerable and adaptable youve been and how honest about how this process has been for you. I think you're only improving and you've helped me so much"

"You're awesome. And you've broke through information that has never been expressed."

"Your BEND method had improved my parenting & validation skills time after time. I've been doing it for 20 years and it's levelled me up so much!"

"Thank you for sharing actual tools . We know what the problem is, don't want to dwell in the past. You're actually giving us mom's tools"

""If you acknowledge the fire downstairs the smoke will clear up here" that resonated in my SOUL I'm so happy you came across my fyp"

"Thank you so much Kate! Your account has given me so many tools to be a better parent for my kids. I have been going through a grieving process since becoming a mother over the way I was parented."

"This is what new moms should be learning, wish I had this 18 years ago"

"THIS is the video I've been looking for! I'm going to write this down and put it on my fridge! I love how put this so matter-of-fact and literal. It's such a big help!"

"I have not been afraid to criticize your content so I will not hold back on your brilliance. This is very good and very logical. Very useful !!"

"I just want to say thank you for these videos-some from September helped me conceptualize things my therapist was helping me thorugh and it all clicked. I talked about your videos with her this morning and she was cheering me on! I am on my way to tackling this in my life and I thank you!"

"You're the only parenting teacher I watch!"

"The 'to you' mantra in my head helped significantly this week. Also, recognizing the different parts of BEND. Sussing out why my partner was acting a certain way and what emotion he was feeling and why"

""...my partner and I were joking a bit that we should tell each other to "go get bent" (BEND method) when we notice things escalating"

"Win: Taught my husband AND my kids the BEND method. Even wrote it on the big ole white board. ;)"

"“This is literally the best sh*t I’ve ever seen on social media. Like for real for real. You’re giving concrete steps on what to do when you feel like you’re in a crisis.”

"Love this content! Parenting 101 is so needed"